


There's No Defence Against Love

by omgericzimmermann (HMSLusitania)



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Established Relationship, Getting Together, M/M, Valentine's Day, attic roach discourse, background pbj in one fic, because I wrote a bunch for my birthday, birthday fics, collection of tumblr fics for them, nursey's leather pants, so here they go, waffles vs pancakes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-08-13 10:34:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 11,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7973692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HMSLusitania/pseuds/omgericzimmermann
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The collection of Nursey/Dex fics I've got on tumblr, placed here for convenience and enjoyment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Orpheus and Eurydice

**Author's Note:**

> I requested prompts for my birthday and five of the seven were Nursey/Dex so I've collected them here for easier perusal.  
> I've also added the other Nursey/Dex fics from my tumblr.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the prompt: "I'm an art student and have to be at a gallery and you're always here looking at the same painting. Why?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter brought to you by nonuniqueindie!

Dex just wants his sketching class to be over. He vastly prefers sculpting, with found materials. Welding. He’s good with welding. Carving. Chiselling. This whole, sketching and art _appreciation_ class? Not so much.

Not that he doesn’t appreciate art, of course he does. He loves the paintings his classmate Larissa does when she’s given free rein, but even she’s sort of annoyed by their semester long assignment, which essentially include going to the nearest art museum and picking their favourite piece and appreciating/sketching it. Dex doesn’t like driving into Boston on his weekends to go to the art gallery. At least, he doesn’t think he’s going to like it, but he gets there and on the one hand, the art is phenomenal. On the other hand, there’s this guy.

He’s got a notebook not unlike Dex’s, and he’s sitting in front of one painting the entire time Dex is there trying to find a favourite. He thinks it says something about himself that he’s walked past the collection of haystacks on loan from Chicago at least three times without pausing because he’s staring at the guy.

He’s tall, about the same height as Dex. He’s got unbearably pretty brown curls under a slouchy knit beanie. His eyes are a greyish green that happens to match the painting he’s staring at.

Dex keeps looking at him, and by the time the gallery is closing and he has to head back to Samwell Dex has completely failed to find a favourite picture or actually talk to the hot guy. He mentally kicks himself and retreats.

“You didn’t find a single painting?” Larissa asks, giving Dex a concerned look. Dex shrugs. He doesn’t mention the hot guy.

He goes back the next weekend, because he still needs to find a painting. The hot guy is there again, still staring at the same painting he was last weekend. Dex looks at it. All he sees is green, maybe patches of white, maybe figures. But otherwise it’s not a very dynamic piece.

Hot Guy has traded his knit beanie for a slouchy blue sweater that makes Dex feel hot under the collar. Dex is more than a little mindful of the fact he doesn’t look like the sort to be spending time in an art gallery when he sits down next to him. Compared to Hot Guy’s undoubtedly designer jeans, Dex’s frayed and holey ones are an abomination. Where Hot Guy has a sweater, Dex has a Dropkick Murphy’s shirt and a red flannel. Where Hot Guy has polished, nice leather shoes, Dex has Docs and one of his shoelaces is made out of strips of parachute left over from one of Larissa’s projects.

“Why that one?” Dex asks without preamble, nodding at the green painting.

Hot Guy jumps and then stares at him.

“It’s [Orpheus and Eurydice](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fupload.wikimedia.org%2Fwikipedia%2Fcommons%2Fthumb%2Fb%2Fb8%2FJean-Baptiste-Camille_Corot_-_Orpheus_Leading_Eurydice_from_the_Underworld_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg%2F1250px-Jean-Baptiste-Camille_Corot_-_Orpheus_Leading_Eurydice_from_the_Underworld_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg&t=MDY4NGQ4ZmRiZDU1Nzk4MmMyM2VmMDBhMzg0MmM0YWU3ZmVjNTQxZCxtUjl3eUROcA%3D%3D),” Hot Guy says. “Jean Baptiste Camille Corot.”

“Sounds pretentious,” Dex replies.

“Really? I just think it sounds French,” Hot Guy says.

“Isn’t that what I just said?” Dex asks, quirking an eyebrow at him. Hot Guy bursts out laughing.

“I’m Derek,” he says, offering Dex a hand to shake.

“Will,” Dex replies. “You were here last weekend. Staring at that same painting.”

“You were here last weekend too,” Derek says.

Dex feels himself flush. “You noticed?”

“You’re the only person I’ve ever seen wear Doc Martins and a safety pin through your ear to an art gallery,” Derek replies. Dex absently touches his earlobe to discover that the safety pin is still there.

“I’m here for a class,” Dex explains. “Why are you here?”

“Class,” Derek replies. “Classical studies class. I’m doing a project on underworld love stories. Orpheus and Eurydice, Cupid and Psyche, Hades and Persephone.”

Dex nods. He knows very little about classical mythology, except for one book.

“Have you read _Song of Achilles_?” he asks. Belatedly, he realises this is probably also a good test for whether or not Derek is interested in men.

“Yeah, it was okay,” Derek says with a shrug. “I only cried like, a lot.”

Dex laughs, Derek laughs, and later, when Dex goes to turn in his project to his professor, it’s a drawing of Derek in the disaster that is Dex’s living situation, tastefully covered by rumpled bedsheets and looking like a Greek statue brought to life.

“Poindexter,” his professor says, pinching the bridge of his nose while Larissa snickers.

“What?” Dex asks. “He was my favourite piece at the art gallery.”

The professor gives a long suffering sigh, but accepts it for credit anyway. Derek thinks it’s hilarious when Dex gets an A.


	2. The Waffle Discourse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompted by legojacques.

“What do you mean you prefer waffles?”

Nursey pauses in his perusal of the menu and looks across the table at Dex.

“What?” he asks.

“You just said you like waffles over pancakes,” Dex informs him like Nursey doesn’t know what he’s just said. Or like Nursey’s blasphemed and he’s giving Nursey a chance to change his answer.

“Well, yeah,” Nursey says, slowly. The waitress brings their coffee and Nursey automatically hands Dex one of the sugar packets and takes the cream for himself. “Doesn’t everyone?”

Dex stares at him in abject horror and Nursey feels a sinking sensation, the kind before the other shoe hits the floor and you realise you’ve stumbled into a hornets’ nest.

The argument gets started and Nursey’s not sure how they end up where they do. It goes from “But you can’t put blueberries in waffles” “absolutely you can put blueberries in waffles, AND CHOCOLATE CHIPS!” to “Well _some_ of us couldn’t afford waffle makers!” “Dex I have literally been to your grandmother’s kitchen and she’s got like 17 waffle irons!” “It’s not 17! It’s like 2!” “Dex there were at least five!” “Shut up Nursey!”

The rest of the drive to Maine is spent in frosty silence intermixed with bickering about the waffles/pancakes dichotomy. Nursey feels betrayed. He had thought, nay, assumed, that after three years of dating and six months of engagement, he knew Dex better than anyone else on the planet. But _pancakes_? _Really?_

“But waffles have crispy edges,” Nursey says. “And wells for your syrup and butter. They are, objectively, the better breakfast food.”

Dex fumes at the wheel of his truck and gives Nursey a filthy look out of the corner of his eye.

“I’m sorry, I can’t trust your opinion. You’d rather have a strange human living in your attic than a cockroach,” Dex says.

“Oh my god Dex! It wasn’t one cockroach! It was an actual thousand cockroaches!” Nursey exclaims.

Their bickering carries them all the way to Maine.


	3. Viva Las Vegas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nursey and Dex go clubbing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For an anon. 
> 
> (feat. background heavily implied PB&J)

Given his own choice in the matter, Nursey’s not sure he’d ever go to a club. He doesn’t think anyone else in the SMH would either, but Jack was playing the Aces in Vegas and so Jack (read: Bitty) had invited all of them to come out for the weekend and have a party. Which apparently involved meeting up with the _two time Stanley Cup winning captain of the Aces Kent Parson_ and going to a night club.

“Why are you complaining? We have Nursey patrol at parties for a reason,” Dex points out. Due to Lardo, they’re stuck sharing a hotel room and Nursey would complain, but they’re still hoping to get Ransom and Holster’s dibs at the end of the year, and so they’ve been on their best “this is our get along shirt” behaviour.

“Yeah, you have to have Nursey patrol because to even get me to go to a party I have to already be a little drunk,” Nursey shoots back.

“Wait seriously?” Dex asks. “You don’t like parties?”

“I like them just fine, as long as I’ve had alcohol beforehand,” Nursey replies. “And I’m not breaking into a minibar in Vegas.”

Dex shakes his head, and Nursey’s not sure if it’s because he’s surprised or something else. But either way, Nursey can get dressed up to go clubbing.

At the first squeak of leather over his thighs, he hears Dex start coughing.

“What in God’s name are you wearing?” Dex demands.

Nursey finishes pulling on his leather pants and turns to see Dex has gone all blotchy in the face. And he’s staring right at Nursey’s ass which is…new.

“Clubbing pants,” Nursey replies. Dex’s complexion doesn’t recover as they leave the room and meet everyone else in the lobby. Bitty has gone right for the shortest of shorts, and when Jack meets them Nursey watches his face go a little pink when he’s confronted by that much leg.

Nursey thinks his night is made when the actual Kent Parson looks him over and says, “nice pants.”

It isn’t the case. His night is made much later, after they get to the club, after the music is pumping so loudly he can feel it vibrating in his chest cavity. After he’s had a few drinks, and his joints feel loose and he’s grinding with a complete stranger, and after Dex pulls him away before he can do something stupid.

“Are you Nursey Patrol tonight?” Nursey asks, unable to keep his hands to himself. He was having a good time dancing, after all, and now that his partner appears to be Dex, he can’t complain.

“Something like that,” Dex says, trying to get out of Nursey’s grasp. It doesn’t work and Nursey’s about to let go, but Dex stops struggling. They keep dancing together, and Nursey is actually surprising himself by having a good time. Dex is wearing a clingy black t-shirt and Nursey’s not sure he’s ever seen Dex wear black before, but holy _shit_ he looks good in it. The club is warm enough, and their dancing athletic enough, that there’s a faint sheen of sweat on Dex’s neck and Nursey kind of wants to lick it off. And where the hell did that come from?

“Is that – is that Jack?” Dex asks, interrupting Nursey from his train of thought. Nursey follows his line of sight and discovers that it is indeed Jack, in the middle of the dance floor, and his hands are absolutely all over Kent’s ass.

“And Kent Parson,” Nursey agrees, turning around so he can watch this happen better. He realises after that this means he’s grinding against Dex now, and he – he can’t really be bothered to care.

Actually, he kinda likes it.

“Where’s Bitty?” Dex asks. His hands have migrated to Nursey’s thighs, and Nursey realises that Dex must have also been drinking. Otherwise, there’s no way Dex would have one hand on Nursey’s thigh and the other on his hip, pressing him back against Dex.

“Uh…” Nursey says, scanning the crowd. Then he realises that Jack and Kent are too far apart to be holding each other that closely unless…and yep, there’s Bitty, sandwiched right between them.

Nursey bursts out laughing. “I’m pretty sure Bitty’s about to have a very good night.”

“What kind of good night?” Dex asks while Nursey turns back around. Nursey grabs Dex by the ass and Dex takes a shuddering breath. “Oh. That kind?”

“Yeah,” Nursey replies, and before he can stop himself, he leans forward and does take a taste of Dex’s neck. He leans back almost as quickly, salt on his tongue. “Sorry, was that okay?”

Dex clears his throat, and his entire face is bright, vivid red. “Depends,” he says.

“On what?” Nursey asks, pressing a little harder against Dex’s ass.

“Do you think you can actually get out of those pants?” Dex asks.

Nursey grins.


	4. Happy Valentine's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dex despairs over Nursey's birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For an anon.

Dex stands in the card aisle at the local gift store, staring. He is assaulted from all angles by bright pink, purple, red. Signs everywhere proclaim “be mine Valentine!” and similar nonsense.

Dex has never once celebrated Valentine’s Day. The only time he’s ever really acknowledged its existence was when he was in grade school and the whole class always had to give each other Valentine’s Day cards. He was always the weird kid who pointed out that Valentine’s Day was actually _Saint_ Valentine’s Day and that it was because he was a martyr that it became a holiday. He might not have been very Catholic, but his grandma always made sure he knew his saints.

But now he’s surrounded by the holiday, and it’s staring him in the face, covered in chocolate kisses and pink lace. He suddenly has to fight away a mental image of licking chocolate off Nursey’s abs, and he’s still blushing when the sales person comes over to see if she can help.

“Valentine’s Day card?” she guesses with a knowing smile.

“Birthday actually,” Dex replies, grimacing.

“Aha. Whose?” she asks.

“My boyfriend’s,” Dex says. “Which is actually on Valentine’s Day.”

She winces appreciatively and shows him to the not-Valentine’s Day cards. He finds something that seems plausible and then has to deal with the whole gift thing. They’ve been together just shy of a year, but like…he wonders if it would be entirely inappropriate to just like, pose naked on their bed with a bow stuck to his body somewhere.

And okay, if this is where his brain is going, he seriously should just go home, have sex with his boyfriend, and then try again for the whole “gift shopping” thing.

Then he sees a case full of leather bound journals. He should just get Nursey one of those, since his composition book is almost full. But – but Nursey can definitely afford leather bound journals and he gets composition books instead. Dex looks around the shop and discovers the brand Nursey uses in their own display spinner. Dex rifles through them, finding a manila one with blue fish and ocean themed designs on the cover. Another manila one is patterned with old fashioned bicycles. One is bright purple with white constellations and astrolabes on it. One has a bunch of octopuses holding pies.

He grabs the stack, he grabs a fancy fountain pen from the case, and then drags them up to the counter to pay. He caves and buys a box of chocolates as well. Maybe he should pick up flowers as well.

He stops by the flower shop next, picks up a selection of roses, and returns to the Haus. He finds Nursey sitting in the living room with Chowder and Farmer laughing about something and immediately regrets his entire decision. He should’ve committed – either Valentine’s theme or birthday theme. And Nursey looks so damn good. He’s wearing a soft cable knit sweater that matches the sage of his eyes and that Dex is 97% sure his own grandmother knitted on Nursey’s behalf, and a clingy grey t-shirt underneath it, and perfect jeans and Dex can feel himself start to implode because somehow, _somehow_ , this way too attractive to be legal man fell in love with his sorry ginger ass.

“Hey Dexy,” Nursey says, looking up at him with a twinkle in his eye.

Dex, now hopelessly flustered, throws everything at him, babbles something about “happy birthday asshole” and then runs away. He stops at the top of the attic stairs and sits down, burying his face in his hands.

“Oh my god what the fuck is wrong with me,” he mutters.

“Dex?” Nursey asks, appearing at the bottom of the stairs. He looks puzzled, and is holding his birthday presents in his hands aside from the flowers. Dex assumes (hopes, blindly) that he’s entrusted them to Farmer to put in a vase. “You okay?”

“I panicked,” Dex replies.

“Why?” Nursey asks, sitting next to him on the top stair.

“You were too pretty,” Dex explains. “I – I almost just stripped naked and put a bow on for your present.”

Nursey’s shoulders straighten and he looks over at Dex with hungry eyes. “And you decided not to _why_? I mean, don’t get me wrong, these are my favourite notebooks, but like, you’re my favourite person.”

“Oh god, don’t say shit like that, I can’t take it,” Dex grumbles, pitching sideways and burying his face in the crook of Nursey’s neck. That doesn’t make the problem any better because Nursey smells incredible.

Nursey laughs and twists out from under Dex’s head to kiss him.

“Come on,” he says. “Help me eat these chocolates.”

“Where?” Dex asks, letting Nursey pull him to his feet.

“In bed,” Nursey replies. Dex opens his mouth. “Yes, naked.”

“Okay,” Dex says. It was sort of what he wanted anyway, so he’ll take it. “Love you.”

“I know,” Nursey replies, grinning at him. Dex smacks him in the arm.

“Do not Han Solo me,” he says.

“But you’re so cute when you’re irritated,” Nursey replies, kissing him again.

“Is that why you spent all of our frog year telling me to ‘chill’?” Dex asks.

Nursey nods and backs him into the bed. “I love you too.”

“Yeah I know,” Dex grumbles, and Nursey bursts out laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, just like, as a thing, Saint Valentine was removed from the canon in 1969.


	5. Happy Birthday Dex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dex's birthday. Nursey despairs less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Rhysiana

Dex has never made a big deal about his birthday. He’s the youngest of six, he grew up with his grandma, they never had a lot of money, and his birthday always happens to fall during the school year right around the start of the hockey season – at least the NHL’s season – and so it always gets swept aside. And he’s fine with that. He really is. Always has been.

But Nursey.

Nursey won’t let it drop.

“Why can’t I throw you a birthday party?” Nursey demands, throwing up his hands in irritation and pacing around the attic. “I want people to celebrate you the way I do.”

“That’s – that’s actually the worst line you’ve ever said to me,” Dex replies.

“Really? That’s the worst?” Nursey asks, hopping onto their bed and crawling up so he’s hovering over Dex. “I’m pretty sure I’ve been way worse in the past, like when we’re having sex.”

“Babe, I hate to break it to you, but uh, you don’t speak anything that sounds like poetry when we’re having sex,” Dex replies, sitting up so he can kiss Nursey on the cheek.

“I don’t?” Nursey asks.

“No mostly it’s just ‘Oh god fuck yes Will harder’,” Dex replies, smirking up at him. Nursey’s face goes red and he flops over on his side, his head encroaching on Dex’s pillow. It’s time to go to sleep, because they’ve got practice in the morning, but Nursey wanted to talk about Dex’s impending birthday.

“Well fine, but we’re still doing something for your birthday,” Nursey says.

“Mmhmm, sure,” Dex replies, reaching over to turn off the bedside light. He curls back up under the blankets, an extra one draped across his waist in the form of Nursey’s arm.

In the morning, Nursey is suspiciously absent, which Dex tries not to dwell on. He always wakes up first though, so it seems like it’s going to be a bad sign. Dex decides not to worry about it and burrows under the covers. He doesn’t have class, they don’t have practice until the afternoon, and it’s his birthday. He can indulge in sleeping in.

His plan is ruined a few minutes later by Nursey returning to the attic with an honest to god tray of breakfast food. There are two cups of coffee, there is an omelette that actually looks edible, there is toast, and hash browns.

“Uh,” Dex says, sitting up and staring at him in confusion. “Did you cook that?”

Nursey snorts and very carefully sets the tray on the bed. Dex vaguely remembers him buying it at Ikea when they were getting the bed. It’s one of the fancy kind that has legs so you can set it over your lap without kicking it over by accident.

Nursey gets back into bed on the other side and stirs some sugar into Dex’s coffee.

“Derek. Did you cook?” Dex asks, because if this is the end product then the kitchen must be a disaster. He doesn’t trust Bitty not to know, even from his and Jack’s apartment in Providence, and then magically appear in the Haus to shout at him.

“Fuck no,” Nursey says, allaying Dex’s fears. “JJ’s delivers.”

Dex snorts and picks up his coffee.

“We’re going out to dinner tonight,” Nursey says. “After practice. Going for Mexican food and margaritas with everyone. Is that okay?”

Dex smiles softly and leans over to kiss him on the cheek. “Sounds perfect.”

“Good,” Nursey replies, kissing him on the lips. Dex has the foresight to move the tray, but they eat the omelette anyway, even after it’s gone cold. It’s the best birthday Dex can remember.


	6. Affection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: any check please couple showing affection in small ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am the actual least qualified person in the world to write about small affections since my aversion to them ended two of the three relationships I’ve (sort of) had this year! 
> 
> But I tried. Uh, vaguely NSFW but I tried to put most of it below the cut. Additionally, this is a little bit angsty but it’s got a happy ending.

Dex can’t handle public displays of affection.

Nursey learns this the hard way when he goes in for a kiss in the dining hall a week after they’ve started dating. Dex stares at him with huge amber eyes and freezes up and does not kiss him back, does not reciprocate in any way, and then doesn’t talk to Nursey for almost a full day.

“I just – I can’t kiss you in public,” Dex explains, later when kissing is the absolute last thing on Nursey’s mind because Dex is also sucking a hickey onto his stomach just above the waist of his jeans and Nursey’s just about dying of want.

“Okay, that’s fine,” Nursey says, even though he doesn’t understand.

He tries for handholding at some point, because that’s not gross. It’s subtle, and surely it’s a way Nursey can show he cares because he’s just crazy about this boy and he wants everyone to know.

But Dex’s hands get sweaty, and he switches the way their fingers are locked no fewer than seventeen times between the Haus and Faber and then finally he gives up entirely and stuffs his hands in his coat pockets and he isn’t even touching Nursey at all.

“I’m sorry,” is his only explanation.

Nursey tries not to be frustrated, and they carry on.

“Is it the whole being publicly out thing?” Nursey asks a few days later. Because Dex is very obviously not opposed to touching him in general, since Dex is at that moment sprawled across Nursey’s chest with his head tucked under Nursey’s chin and they’re still naked and kind of gross from the evening’s activities.

“Is what the whole being publicly out thing?” Dex asks, tracing a fingernail across Nursey’s chest.

“The reason you, like, won’t hold my hand or kiss me in the dining hall and shit,” Nursey says.

“Uh, yeah kind of,” Dex agrees. He doesn’t elaborate, but from the sudden tenseness in his jaw, Nursey gets the sense it’s not something he should pry into just yet.

It’s about a week later, when they’ve both gone home for Thanksgiving – well Dex went home, Nursey’s staying at the Haus because it’s better than sitting alone in Manhattan – and Nursey texts him.

It’s a simple text, just an “I miss you” with a heart-eyes emoji, and Dex’s read receipt pops up, but he doesn’t respond. And now Nursey’s worrying, because he thought Dex was into him (Dex has been literally into him, he thinks, then smacks himself mentally) but like, unless they’re completely alone, Dex won’t touch him, and now Dex won’t even respond to his texts. Like Nursey’s his dirty little secret or something.

It makes his chest burn in the worst way.

Nursey doesn’t text him again until he’s prompted to do so by Bitty, and even then it’s just, “Bitty says he’s saving you pie.” He doesn’t expect Dex to respond, but the reply is almost immediate.

==Ginger Rogers==

**Ginger Rogers:** oh cool. What kind?

**Me:** pecan

**Ginger Rogers:** ‘swawesome. I get back tomorrow evening. Don’t eat it all, pecan’s my favourite.

==

Nursey almost eats it all out of spite. He’s still grumpy when Dex does get back, and doesn’t talk to him until they’re safely shut up in the attic. Even then they don’t really talk because Dex just grabs Nursey by the shirt and kisses him. It’s not gentle. There are a lot of teeth involved, mostly Dex dragging Nursey’s lip between his teeth, and the hand Dex has fisted in Nursey’s hair tugs a bit too hard every once in a while, and after a second Nursey realises this is normal. This is how kissing Dex normally goes. It’s abrasive and hard and it hurts just a little and the softer Nursey tries to be in response, the harder Dex gets, and never in the fun, productive way.

“What the fuck, bro?” Nursey asks, finally pushing Dex off him.

“What?” Dex asks. His lips are red and swollen and his eyes are dark. It’s driving Nursey crazy in a few too many ways.

“I texted you to tell you I missed you and you fucking ignored me,” Nursey says. “Your receipts were still on. I know you saw it.”

Dex flushes, going red from the roots of his hair down to the collar of his shirt. Nursey just glares.

“I’m sorry,” Dex says, and Nursey rolls his eyes. “I just didn’t know what I was supposed to say.”

“Hey babe, miss you too, see you Friday?” Nursey suggests, throwing his hands up in the air in frustration. “For fuck’s sake Dex it was over a private text, it wasn’t like I was asking you to make out with me at centre ice. So what the hell?”

“It’s not – it doesn’t have anything to do with whether it’s private or public or whatever it’s just the fact that it exists!” Dex insists, and Nursey’s now very confused because he’s not sure they’re having the same conversation.

“The fact _what_ exists, Dex? The fact you’ve got a crazy hot boyfriend?” Nursey asks. “I get that you can’t be out at home or whatever, but no one here cares at all.”

“It’s not a being out thing!” Dex snaps. “I don’t care if people know I’m gay here, or if they know I’m dating you, or whatever!”

“Then why the fuck–” Nursey starts.

“It freaks me out, okay?” Dex says, sounding suddenly so fragile that Nursey wants to hug him. He tries, but Dex squirms away. “Affection freaks me the fuck out.”

Nursey leans back, and sits awkwardly on his side of the bed. A sudden horrible thought occurs to him.

“Oh god you’re not ace and I forced you into having sex with me, are you?” he asks. “Because if you’re ace we can totally work something else out, it’s fine, I just–”

“I like having sex with you. I like you,” Dex says, rolling his eyes. “It just makes me so uncomfortable to do anything like hold hands or say sweet things to each other, or – or anything like that.”

“Or kiss me without biting me,” Nursey suggests.

“I mean, I’d prefer it if you bit me,” Dex mumbles before his eyes shoot open and he smacks his hand over his mouth like he’s ashamed of what he’s just said.

Nursey’s a little less grumpy after that, and he sighs. “We can negotiate the whole affection thing later, but right now, I really did miss you, so can we make out?”

“Yeah,” Dex agrees, crawling over to Nursey’s side of the bed. He blushes again and chews on his own lip for a second.

“I did miss you,” he admits, even though it sounds like someone’s trying to pull his teeth. But Nursey will take it.

They make out for a while, and it seems like Dex is making a concerted effort not to bite him, or pull on his hair, which Nursey appreciates. But Dex is also starting to fidget, uncomfortably, so Nursey dredges up his courage and pulls Dex’s bottom lip between his teeth. Dex stops fidgeting immediately, and his hands tighten on Nursey’s back, which is something. When Nursey tugs a little on Dex’s hair, Dex shudders and Nursey thinks, _oh_.

Dex has been doing to Nursey exactly what he wanted Nursey to do to him, and Nursey’s very okay with the way Dex reacts to the tables turning. They negotiate later, set some ground rules, and neither of them are willing to psychoanalyse exactly why Dex hates having affection displayed at him, but Nursey is willing to live without it if he needs to. If that’s what it takes to keep Dex in his life in an “I get to see you naked regularly” capacity.

Then one morning not too many days later, Dex sits beside him and hands him a cup of coffee, splashed with cream exactly the way Nursey likes it. Nursey looks from the coffee to Dex and back.

“You’re trying, so I’m trying,” Dex says, addressing his plate of waffles with red covering his cheeks and ears. “And right now this is the best I’ve got.”

Nursey wants to kiss him on the cheek and squeeze him tightly, but Dex won’t go for that, so he settles for nudging him with his elbow and smiling at him. Dex smiles back, awkwardly, clearly still apprehensive.

“Thanks babe,” Nursey says, fully expecting Dex to glare at him. Dex grimaces, but he doesn’t glare. He takes a deep breath and holds it for a few seconds before letting it out and sinking lower into the bench.

“Fine,” he says.

And it’s a start.


	7. At a Kegster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: at a kegster, Dex is on Nursey Patrol but Nursey kisses him because he's In LoveTM

The kegster is louder than usual, Dex thinks. He grimaces and leans against the side of the stairs, because he’d much rather prop up a wall than deal with people right now. He tries to tell himself it has nothing to do with the fact Nursey’s in the middle of the kegster room grinding with someone Dex can’t actually see. It has nothing to do with Nursey’s stupid backwards snapback or bro tank or the way his jeans fit and the fact that the way he’s moving his hips just tug the denim tighter across his ass and Dex can’t stop staring.

It has nothing to do with that.

So Dex just sips his cup of beer, and props up his wall, and keeps to himself.

“Oh, oh no,” Lardo says from next to him. Dex starts and looks down at her.

“What?” he asks.

“Your boy’s about to start table dancing and drag Bitty with him,” Lardo says, tipping her cup in the direction of Nursey – who has indeed climbed onto the nearest table – and it turns out the person he was grinding with is _Bitty_ of all people. So that’s what Nursey likes, Dex thinks bitterly, tiny blonds.

“He’s not my boy,” Dex grumbles, glowering in a different direction so he doesn’t have to watch Bitty and Nursey fall all over each other giggling.

Maybe it’s because this is the aftermath of Spring C, Dex thinks. Maybe this is why the kegster is louder than normal.

“Bruh,” Lardo says, raising her eyebrow.

“What?” Dex asks. “He’s not!”

“Okay,” Lardo says, her voice thick with disbelief. Dex tries to work up the energy to be offended, but he fails. “At least go catch him before he falls off the table.”

Dex looks back at the coffee table in time to see Bitty stumble off it and directly into Jack – who Dex had definitely thought was still upstairs in his room – and Nursey looks very unsteady.

Dex exchanges another look with Lardo before he’s being shoved towards the table. He gets there right as Nursey topples off and sprawls backwards in Dex’s arms.

“Bruh! Sick! Trust fall!” Ransom yells from somewhere nearby and Dex does his best to ignore the sounds of people falling over around him while he drags Nursey away from the table. Nursey does absolutely nothing to help him, his head lolling backwards onto Dex’s shoulder while he grins up at him.

“Hey Dex!” Nursey says. He’s hot to the touch, and if it weren’t for the current temperature of the Haus Dex would worry he had a fever.

“You are beyond sloppy drunk,” Dex informs him. He tries to lean Nursey against the wall but he just droops sideways like a wilting flower and crashes against Dex again. “Jesus. Okay, I’m taking you back to the dorms because you’ll accidentally kill yourself if I don’t.”

He pulls one of Nursey’s arms around his shoulders and steers him towards the door, bidding his goodbyes to the rest of the team. In the distance, he sees Bitty clinging to Jack the same way koala cubs hang off their parents while Jack looks frozen.

Dex gets Nursey outside and the cool night air is a relief after the Haus’s stifling atmosphere. He takes a deep breath and makes the mistake of looking at Nursey, who is grinning at him.

“What?” Dex asks.

“You’re taking me back to the dorms?” Nursey asks. His eyebrow is creeping higher and a mischievous smirk is twisting his mouth. “Are you gonna put me to bed, Dexy?”

“I was thinking I’d just leave you in the lounge,” Dex replies.

“You’re not going to take me back to my room and help me take off my shoes or my jeans or my shirt?” Nursey asks, his breath tickling the side of Dex’s neck, which, in Dex’s opinion, is just entirely unnecessary.

“You lost your shoes at Spring C,” Dex reminds him, resisting the urge to step on one of Nursey’s bare toes.

“Oh,” Nursey says. When he looks down at his feet to check, he almost pitches forward and takes Dex down with him. Fortunately, Dex leans back at the right moment and they remain upright.

“Well aren’t you gonna help me get my pants off?” Nursey asks, positively leering at Dex.

“Jesus, what the hell is wrong with you?” Dex demands. He just barely resists the urge to drop Nursey and leave him lying on the grass near the river.

Nursey grins and hooks his fingers through Dex’s belt loops.

“Come on Dexy,” Nursey says, suddenly much more capable of standing than he had been mere moments ago. Dex swallows nervously, because Nursey is pulling him closer, their thighs are pressed together, Nursey’s nose is brushing against his, and Nursey’s fucking _kissing him_ right there next to the Samwell River like this is somehow fucking normal.

It takes Dex a minute to register that this is actually a thing that’s happening and he jolts back into his skin when Nursey’s tongue slips into his mouth and glides against his own.

“Jesus Nursey what the fuck!” Dex exclaims. He puts his hands on Nursey’s shoulders, fully intending to force him away, but ends up just sort of leaving them there.

“Come on Dex, don’t you like me?” Nursey asks. He’s still holding onto Dex’s belt loops, and keeps Dex from escaping while he brushes feather light kisses up the side of Dex’s neck.

“I’m – do you have _any_ idea how drunk you are?” Dex demands. He can feel himself blushing, his skin feels like it’s on fire, and he’s not entirely convinced he can breathe because he didn’t really realise that having stubble scrape across the soft, overly sensitive skin on his throat was a Thing but it turns out it’s totally a thing.

“That’s not an answer Dexy,” Nursey replies. His lips are on the hinge of Dex’s jaw now and Dex can’t really decide if he wants to punch Nursey in the face or drag him up to one of their dorms.

“Neither was that,” Dex points out.

Nursey grins, his eyes bleary, and kisses Dex again. “Take me back to my dorm?”

Dex considers it for exactly 0.5 seconds, but he can taste the alcohol on Nursey’s breath.

“How about this,” he says. “We go to sleep – in our own beds–” Nursey frowns. “And if you still want that tomorrow, you can come tell me, okay?”

Nursey agrees, albeit reluctantly, and lets Dex drop him at his room. Dex returns to his own and finds himself hoping, desperately, that Nursey will be back tomorrow.


	8. Things You Said When You Were Scared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: Things you said when you were scared.

“I don’t know why you’re making this such a big deal,” Nursey says. “It’s not like we mean anything.”

Dex looks like Nursey has just slapped him.

“Fine then,” he says, crossing his arms. He stalks off, leaving Nursey in Founders alone. It’s not like either of them had raised their voices, but Nursey can still hear his own words ringing in his ears.

He meant them though – he doesn’t mean anything to Dex and after they graduate there’s not going to be quickies in the locker room, there’s not going to be late night booty calls, and it terrifies him. Because he’s so goddamn into Dex he can’t stand it and as far as Dex is concerned he’s just some friends-with-benefits situation, his college experimentation. And Nursey’s scared shitless that he’s never going to get over Dex. So no, he can’t go to brunch with Dex’s grandma while she’s in town and sit there while Dex introduces him as “a friend from the team” because it’ll give him false hope and make it hurt worse when the graduate and Dex leaves him.

“Actually, you know fucking what?”

Nursey looks up, because Dex has stormed back into Founders.

“It is a big deal because I want to introduce you to my goddamn grandmother and you’re going to dress nicely and hold my fucking hand, okay?”

“Really?” Nursey asks.

“Yeah,” Dex says. “Because I kind of like you a lot, alright?”

Nursey feels himself start to smile. “Yeah,” he says. “I guess that’s alright.”


	9. The Handyman and the Human Disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dex vs. Nursey's competence kink.

Nursey doesn’t mean to break the dryer.

Or the washer.

Or the water heater.

But sometimes these things just happen and he’s pretty sure he’s going to be eternally banned from doing laundry at the Haus because he’s a hazard to himself and those around him and that makes him a little sad. Dex is the one who finds him standing in the basement with the puddle of water from the heater, the dilapidated dryer, and a flooded washer.

“What the hell did you do?” Dex asks, giving him a look that clearly asks how he’s even a real person. Nursey wonders if it’s because he’s wearing galaxy printed boxers, if it’s because of the disaster he’s created in the basement, or if it’s because he’s wearing a t-shirt that says “Laundry today or naked tomorrow” that he specifically keeps at the bottom of his dresser for laundry days.

“I honestly don’t know,” Nursey says.

Dex takes a deep breath, throws Nursey out to go put on some actual shoes, and gets to work.

By the time Nursey returns to the scene of the crime, Dex has fixed the water heater, and the washer has drained. Nursey’s going to have to run the load again, but there are worse fates.

“You fixed it just  - it was that easy?” Nursey demands, staring at Dex. He’s torn between awe and frustration that he’s as useless as he is when Dex is so goddamn competent.

“Well, yeah,” Dex says, looking confused at Nursey’s incredulity. “Dude, I work in a repair shop during the summers.”

“I thought you worked on a fishing boat?” Nursey replies.

Dex shrugs.

“You seriously fixed it just like that?” Nursey asks.

“I’m good at this,” Dex says. “But I’m not done with the dryer yet, so if you want to redo your laundry while I work on that, I should be done by the time your laundry’s done.”

Nursey nods and restarts his laundry, adding an extra helping of soap since his clothes had bathed in dirty water for a good long while. Nursey closes the lid, and hops on top to watch Dex work on the dryer.

“Are you just going to sit there?” Dex asks. He’s in full mechanic mode, the sleeves of his flannel rolled up to the elbow, his snapback on backwards. Nursey’s a little flustered by it if he’s being honest with himself.

“Nothing else to do,” Nursey explains. He tells himself it has nothing to do with the fact he wants to watch Dex work. He wants to see him use his hands without hockey gloves on for once, because Dex has amazing hands. He has long, strong fingers, broad palms. They’re calloused, there’s a few random scars on the backs, and so many freckles. It’s not that Nursey has a Thing about hands, except that he’s totally got a thing about hands.

“I can feel you staring at me,” Dex says. His voice echoes oddly since he’s got his head in the dryer and Nursey shifts.

“I’m not,” he says.

“You’re a bad liar,” Dex informs him, pulling his head out of the dryer specifically so he can frown at him.

“I wasn’t staring at you,” Nursey insists. “I was staring off into space, contemplating the complex realities of human emotion in relation to–”

“Yeah okay whatever,” Dex says, cutting him off and putting his head back in the dryer. “Okay seriously what the fuck did you do to this thing?”

“I don’t know,” Nursey says, because he really doesn’t.

“I’ve got an idea,” Dex says, tightening something with a wrench. At least, Nursey thinks it’s called a wrench. “After we graduate, I’ll open a repair shop, and you keep breaking all your shit and then I’ll get rich fixing it.”

“Do I get to watch you repair it?” Nursey asks before he can stop himself.

“What?” Dex asks, pulling his head back out of the washer.

“What?” Nursey repeats.

“You’re kinda weird, Nurse,” Dex says. As if Nursey wasn’t already aware.

“Good weird or bad weird?” Nursey asks.

“I haven’t decided yet,” Dex says.

“You should get on that, we graduate in three months,” Nursey points out. At least, that’s what he means to say. What actually comes out of his mouth is, “You should get on _me_.”

“What?” Dex splutters, smacking his head on the inside of the dryer.

“I didn’t mean to say that!” Nursey insists while Dex goes red in the face and gapes at him.

There’s a beat of uncomfortable silence broken solely by the washer spinning under Nursey’s ass.

“Did you mean it?” Dex asks.

“What would you do if I said no?” Nursey asks. His heart is beating uncomfortably somewhere in his throat and he doesn’t like it.

“Go back to fixing the dryer and pretend this never happened,” Dex says.

“What would you do if I said yes?” Nursey asks, his voice much quieter.

Dex stares at him, and hesitantly takes a step closer. This is the best response Nursey could’ve hoped for. Nursey is much less tentative than Dex, and pulls him in, pressing their lips together. Dex grabs at him, his glorious hands dragging Nursey towards the very edge of the washer. Nursey can’t complain when his shirt hitches up and Dex’s hands are on his skin.

“Um, I should probably, um, I should keep fixing the dryer,” Dex mumbles while Nursey kisses down his jaw and towards his throat.

“Yeah probably,” Nursey agrees. “Can I watch?”


	10. 88.9 WELL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So like, this was technically prompted? About them working in a radio station etc. I don't know how it became this, but we'll just go with it, yeah?

The denizens of Samwell Massachusetts were graced by the most eclectic of radio stations. 88.9 WELL had fun for the whole family, just never at the same time. For the bakers in the family, there was Bitty’s Baking Boo-Boos on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays in the morning. For the history buffs, there was Jack Zimmermann’s History Series on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. For sports enthusiasts there was Hockey Shit with Ransom & Holster on Wednesday and Friday afternoons. The politically inclined could tune in to Shitty’s Showdowns where your host B. Shitty Knight invited republicans onto the show specifically to verbally lambast them.

But the show everyone tuned in for aired Friday nights at eight pm. The good people of Samwell were enthralled by the show, which chronicled the happenings of a fictional town sort of like this one, peopled by your neighbours, your friends, people just like you. Except. There was always something slightly off about the stories. They were about Your Neighbour but that neighbour had a problem with secret government agencies, or with their teenager accidentally summoning a demon of mischief. It was _Welcome to Night Vale_ as told by Agatha Christie and the citizens of Samwell loved it.

There was simply one problem – no one knew who made it.

Larissa, the station manager, called everyone to a council meeting to discuss the problem on a sunny Saturday in July. She knew it wasn’t the weekend crew, because the weekend crew were locked in the booth at that moment, and she knew it wasn’t Johnson who ran the station at night, because Johnson was the sort of person who would absolutely admit it if he were behind the radio show.

“Look, we know the next episode gets delivered on Thursday nights,” Larissa said, folding her arms and leaning against the table in the breakroom. There was no way in all of hell she was going to sit on the couch. She left that to Ransom, Holster, and Shitty, who didn’t seem to care that once, after the breakroom started to smell horrible, she had lifted a cushion and discovered an eviscerated mouse carcass there. Jack and Bitty were more reasonable, sitting on the chairs. The station interns, Nursey and Chowder, were sitting on the counter, simply happy to be included.

“So what if we stake the station out on Thursday night?” Holster suggested. “Rans and I can hide in the booth and watch for the dude.”

“We don’t technically know it’s a dude,” Shitty pointed out. “Sure, he sounds like a dude, but check your gender bias, bro.”

“Sorry man,” Holster said. “But yeah, Rans and I can watch.”

“No offence, but you two are the least subtle people in the station. You had sex on the dead mouse couch,” Shitty said. They all cringed at the memory. “We could make the weekend dudes do it.”

They considered this as one, imagining the scenario in which the weekend DJs Whiskey and Tango would consent to be in the station on a Thursday and came to the unanimous conclusion that there was not such a situation.

“I’m busy on Thursdays,” Bitty said, although he looked apologetic.

“Yeah, I’m doing stuff after my show too,” Jack added, the tips of his ears turning pink. Larissa squinted at him and could’ve sworn she heard Bitty mumbled, “I’m stuff,” but he didn’t say it loudly enough for her to call him on it.

“I guess that leaves the interns,” Larissa says. “Enjoy yourselves guys.”

The worst of it is that the show has been airing for several months and they still don’t know who’s responsible. It’s made the state-wide news by now and has become an internet phenomenon. There’s fan art, and Larissa knew this because it kept getting left at their station, and she was pretty damn sure that the intern Nursey was responsible for writing fanfic. She was pretty sure he’d be willing to stake out the station on Thursday to check. He pretty much volunteered as soon as she mentioned it.

Thursday night found Nursey and Chowder sitting in the break room, looking at the dead mouse couch. They hadn’t been employed at the station at the time of the discovery of the dead mouse, but Nursey was still very concerned that the couch remained in the station. He was pretty sure Bitty wanted nothing more than to torch it.

But Nursey was content to sit in the breakroom on his phone, waiting. He didn’t know what they were waiting for exactly. He had vague notions of the mysterious person who created the show dropping through air vents or sending a droid or doing any number of increasingly fantastical things in order to get the show to them without being detected. He was sharing those particular headcanons online when the wifi crapped out.

“Hey Nursey did your wifi just die?” Chowder asked.

“Yeah,” Nursey said, groaning. “I’ll call the IT guy.”

He always felt conflicted when he had to call the IT guy, because on the one hand, the IT guy was tall and made of lanky muscle, and had freckles that Nursey wanted to trace – preferably with his tongue – but on the other hand, the IT guy was a total dick who had never said a single word to him.

“God this happens every week,” Chowder complained, going back to the shelves to catalogue the old records.

Nursey dialled the IT guy’s number. He answered with a noncommittal grunt.

“Hey, the wifi’s fucked again,” Nursey said. “Can you come fix it?”

“Ugh,” was the response, which was the typical response, so Nursey knew it meant the IT guy was on his way.

It had become his life goal – aside from working in radio but that was a more whatever sort of eventual rather than immediate goal – to get the IT guy to snap. Nursey was waiting for him by the station door when he showed up, looking more or less like he’d crawled onto the _Gilmore Girls_ set and hijacked Luke’s wardrobe.

“Hey!” Nursey said, following him to the router. “So what are you up to today?”

Silence.

“It’s Dex right?” Nursey continued, because he would not be deterred.

Glare.

“Come on, bruh, cat got your tongue?” Nursey asked.

Dex rolled his eyes and elbowed past Nursey to get to the router. It lived in the breakroom near the dead mouse couch, and belatedly Nursey realised that was where he was supposed to be since he was supposed to be waiting for the mystery flashdrive to show up containing tomorrow’s episode of the serial.  

“You know you must be a pretty shitty IT guy,” Nursey said, balancing on the arm of the dead mouse couch while Dex started messing with the router.

This got him a confused glare.

“I mean, you have to come back and fix the stupid wifi every single Thur–”

And Nursey understood.

“Holy shit,” he said. “You’re him, you’re the guy, you–”

“Don’t tell anyone,” Dex said, and Nursey knew that voice because it’s the same voice that plays on the radio on Friday nights from 8 to 9 allowing for commercial breaks.

“You’re going to have to buy my silence,” he said. “Sorry, I don’t make the rules.”

“What’s your price?” Dex asked, and Nursey was already totally in love with his voice, but now that he knew it was coming from super hot IT guy Dex, it’s even better.

“Dinner?” Nursey suggested.

“I can do dinner,” Dex agreed.

Nursey stays silent, and if the mysterious radio announcer in the show acquires a green eyed, curly haired boyfriend, well that’s no one’s business.


	11. No Chill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nursey does not have any chill.

Nursey feels awful about it when he snaps at a barista. Half of him wants to justify it to himself – it’s finals, he’s been awake for about three days straight, he’s so tired he can’t actually focus his eyes, and the barista had just handed him a chai tea latte instead of a normal latte. The other half knows that it’s the shittiest thing to do to someone who works in customer service. He apologises to the barista, keeps the chai tea latte because he does like them, it just doesn’t have enough caffeine for him right now, and retreats to the Haus before he can cause any more damage.

Dex is sitting at his desk in their attic, looking totally focused on his work. Nursey doesn’t want to interrupt, so he drops to his bed and tries to cover his head with his pillow.

“What’s wrong with you?” Dex asks without looking up from his computer.

“I totally lost my chill,” Nursey says, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. They burn from the lack of sleep.

“Ah. Right. It’s a day that ends in y,” Dex says.

“What?” Nursey asks.

“Dude, you’re actually the least chill person I have ever met,” Dex says. “You lose your chill all the fucking time.”

“I do n–”

Nursey wants to protest, but as he thinks back over his time at Samwell, he realises Dex might actually be right. He has never been chill. It’s not in his wheelhouse.

“Shit,” he says.

“And you seriously need to go to sleep,” Dex says.

“No, I need to study,” Nursey says, starting to sit up. Dex glares at him until he stops moving.

“Go to sleep, or I will sit on you until you pass out,” Dex threatens.

Nursey considers his options. He could try to get up, try to study, and fight Dex when he tries to stop him, or he could try to get up specifically so that Dex stops him. He likes that option better.

He starts to sit up again and Dex is across the room in an instant, sitting between Nursey and the wall with his legs thrown over Nursey’s chest to keep him from moving.

Nursey struggles until Dex is forced to completely smother him. Dex sprawls across him, their legs tangled together, and his face buried in the crook of Nursey’s neck.

“Go to sleep Derek,” Dex says.

“Only if you stay with me,” Nursey says. He doesn’t care how cheesy it is, because when Dex is involved, he turns into the cheesiest motherfucker and there’s nothing he can do about it.

He feels Dex smile against his neck and press a quick kiss there.

“That was the plan,” Dex says. He yawns and Nursey feels himself drift off to sleep.


	12. Winter Screw Dates Are the Worst

Dex isn’t even really sure what they’re fighting about. All he knows is that he’s mad. He’s so fucking pissed at Nursey that he doesn’t know how to form sentences properly. Which is why he hears himself shout, “If your stupid face wasn’t so fucking perfect then maybe you’d be able to think straight–”

He freezes in place.

Problem one – he just told Nursey he’s got a perfect face.

Problem two – Nursey is gaping at him, those stupid sage green eyes huge like Christmas just came early and it came bearing a previously unknown and well authenticated Shakespeare text.

“Okay, one?” Nursey says, stepping right into Dex’s personal space so that Dex has no choice but to look him in the eye. Well, unless he wants to stare at his lips. “I’m never straight.”

Dex swallows. It’s more of a gulp really.

“Can we just pretend I didn’t say that?” Dex asks.

“And two,” Nursey says. He takes another step closer and Dex can actually feel him breathing and that’s not okay. Except that it’s too okay and Dex likes it too much. “You think my face is perfect, so I give you permission to touch it.”

“Why would I want to touch your face?” Dex asks. Sometimes he’s okay with being a chronic blusher.

This is not one of those times.

“Because short of fondling yourself it’s the only time you’ll get to touch perfection,” Nursey says with a ridiculously stupid grin on his ridiculously stupid face.

Dex starts to roll his eyes and then registers what Nursey had just said.

“Wait,” he says.

Nursey waits.

“Did you just…” Dex starts. Nursey nods. He leans closer into Dex’s space, his eyes flicking down to Dex’s lips.

“Kiss me, Dex,” Nursey whispers.

Dex does. He promptly loses his train of thought, several others derail, and the conductor of the last gives up in a huff.

“Hang on,” Dex says, pulling back. He can’t go far because Nursey’s hands are stuffed down his back pockets. “I just remembered why we were fighting!”

“It’ll be okay,” Nursey requests, pulling him forward again and kissing him. “The theoretical Winter Screw date I was trying to set you up with was me.”

“Oh,” Dex says. He supposes he can live with that.


	13. Of Love and Revenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first part was for organizedskullage who requested Nursey/Dex "You want me to do what?"   
> The second part was for an anon who requested a second part.

Dex stares at Nursey. Nursey stares back.

“Honestly, it’s not what it looks like,” Nursey says.

Dex just stares.

Because someone – apparently not Nursey himself – has stripped him naked, handcuffed him to _Dex’s_ bed, and placed Dex’s roommate’s throw pillow strategically over Nursey’s junk.

“Why?” Dex demands when he can finally get his voice back.

He’s not looking at Nursey’s body. He refuses. He’s not letting his eyes trace the familiar bands on Nursey’s right bicep, or the poems he’s got tattooed on his left forearm. He’s definitely not looking at the intricate swirling pattern that takes up his right pectoral in an unfinished sort of way, moving across his shoulder like it’s going to join the bands on his bicep. He’s not looking at Nursey’s all too familiar abs, and he is _absolutely not_ imagining what’s under the pillow.

“So the key to the handcuffs is under the pillow,” Nursey says. “If you could just grab it, then–”

“You want me to do _what?_ ” Dex asks.

“Just move the pillow, the key’s right there, and then you can unlock me and we can pretend this never happened?” Nursey suggests with an attempt at a winning smile. Since most of the time Nursey’s winning smiles make Dex want to punch him in the face, it’s not a good move on his part.

They stand there in a stalemate for a moment.

“It was the lax bros right?” Dex asks.

“Yeah,” Nursey agrees.

“How did they get into my room?” Dex asks.

“Your roommate is a tool,” Nursey replies.

“I know,” Dex says. “In fact, I think I’m going to go tell him that.”

He turns to leave, fully intending to leave Nursey in this state as long as he can get away with it.

“Wait! Dex, don’t leave me here!” Nursey calls after him. “If you do, where are you going to sleep?”

“The Haus,” Dex replies.

“Wait, Dex, Dex, buddy, come on,” Nursey begs, and Dex is glad he’s looking at his own door instead of Nursey’s face because Nursey begging him for something does _things_ to him.

“You can get out of handcuffs,” Dex says. “You just have to break your thumbs.”

“Bruh,” Nursey says, sounding deeply horrified. “You have to use my hands like all the time!”

“For what?” Dex asks, turning back around to squint at him.

“Hockey,” Nursey says slowly.

Right. Of course. Of course he meant hockey.

“Right,” Dex says, failing to fight the blush spreading across his face.

“Dude, what did you think I meant?” Nursey asks, a sly grin turning up the corners of his mouth. “Dex. Dexy. You didn’t think I meant something sexual did you?”

“I – no of course not!” Dex insists.

“I mean, I can see where you’d get that since I’m naked on your bed and all,” Nursey says. “But I really did mean hockey.”

“Yeah, I get it!” Dex says.

“Unless, like, you wanted it to mean sex,” Nursey says, smirking at him.

“Go fuck yourself,” Dex says. He’s not thinking about doing things to Nursey until the smirk disappears. He’s not.

“I can’t, I’m handcuffed to your bed,” Nursey says.

And that’s fucking _it_.

Dex storms across the room, grabs the pillow off Nursey’s lap, grabs the key, and uncuffs him. Nursey rubs his wrists, grinning at Dex.

“Now,” Dex says, pointing at the door while Nursey pulls on a pair of – “Those are my boxers.”

“They took my clothes, Poindexter, ch–”

“Do not,” Dex interrupts in a deadly tone. “Tell me. To chill.”

Nursey holds up his hands in a show of innocence. “Okay,” he says. “I’m just going to go.”

He pauses on his way out the door, giving Dex a very unsubtle once over. “That shade of red looks good on you.” He gestures to his own face to indicate Dex’s blush.

“If you’re trying to chirp me it’s not going to work,” Dex says, crossing his arms and grumbling. Nursey laughs. “Why did they even put you in my room in the first place?”

“I asked them to,” Nursey says. “If they were going to stick me naked anywhere, I wanted it to be with you.”

Dex gapes at him. “Are you – is this your sick and twisted way of flirting with me?”

“Maybe,” Nursey says, winking at him. “I’ll be sure to wash these once I’ve finished fucking myself.”

He snaps the waistband on his pilfered boxers and Dex feels his face combust.

Nursey saunters down the hall back towards his own room and Dex slams the door shut, locking it, and leaning against it, trying to regain control of his breathing.

A cold shower. That’s what he needs. A very, very cold shower.

* * *

“It means war,” Nursey announces, dramatically stabbing a pocket knife into the kitchen table at the Haus. Bitty gasps and presses his hand to his chest.

“Nurse, chill,” Dex recommends.

“No, Dex, they kidnapped me, stripped me naked, and left me in _your bed_ ,” Nursey replies. He tries and fails to remove the knife from the table and decides it’s probably for the best just to leave it there. He’s not even particularly embarrassed aside from with the amount he flirted with Dex, but he can let that slide because of just how red Dex’s face got.

He should probably return Dex’s boxers.

“What kind of war did you have in mind?” Holster asks, rubbing his jaw. They’ve assembled a war council in the kitchen so Bitty can nervously bake and also participate while Ransom, Holster, Lardo, Dex, Nursey, Chowder, and the Tadpoles consider appropriate avenues of recourse.

“Torch their house,” Whiskey suggests.

There’s a beat of silence while the rest of them exchange nervous looks. Whiskey doesn’t talk a lot – mostly just to Tango – so they don’t actually know if he’s kidding.

“It was a joke,” Whiskey says.

“Anyway,” Ransom says, giving the freshman a very concerned look.

“TP their house,” Tango suggests, which is slightly less worrying. “Or egg it.”

“Y’all are not using my eggs to tar and feather the lax bros,” Bitty says.

“Tar and feather the ones who kidnapped Nursey,” Whiskey suggests.

“And then what? Ride them out of town on a rail?” Bitty quips, giving Whiskey a disapproving look.

“Well, it is Massachusetts,” Lardo points out.

A confused look passes between the rest of them until Lardo sighs in despair.

“We were the ones who could actually stand to sit through the history documentaries Jack made us watch,” Lardo explains. “It doesn’t matter. Anyway. The lax bros.”

“Steal and then bedazzle all of their jockstraps,” Chowder suggests.

Actually, Nursey kind of likes that plan.

“I’ve got a bedazzler,” Lardo says. “We’d just have to find their athletic equipment.”

“I know a guy,” Whiskey says. And honestly, that doesn’t really surprise Nursey at all.

“We ride at midnight,” Ransom decides, putting his hand in the middle of their circle. Everyone adds their hands, including Bitty, who looks despairing.

*

Midnight finds them huddled outside the lax bros’ house while Whiskey makes some kind of bird call. The lax bros’ house is a more traditional frat than their own, where they actually have roommates as far as Nursey can tell. All he knows is that there are substantially more lax bros living in their house than there are living in the Haus.

An upstairs window opens and a really quite handsome boy sticks his head out.

“Whiskey?” he calls. Whiskey creeps forwards until he’s under the window. “Are you going to tell me why?”

“Revenge,” Whiskey says, catching the bag of jockstraps dropped from the window. “We’ll have these back by dawn.”

“Okay,” Whiskey’s handsome friend replies. He sounds concerned.

“It’ll be fine, Foxtrot,” Whiskey promises. They start to slink away but Whiskey pauses at the edge of the lawn. “You like blue right?”

“Uh…yeah?” Foxtrot says, sounding even more concerned than he did.

Whiskey gives him a thumbs up and they all retreat to the Haus.

It takes them most of the night to stick the rhinestones and glitter onto the cups. They all wear gloves because there is nothing grosser than touching someone else’s jockstrap with , but they get it done. They’re all sparkly and well decorated by the time dawn rolls around.

Nursey volunteers to return them to the lax bros since he was the one who was wronged initially. Probably because Whiskey texted him, Foxtrot is waiting at the door. When Nursey holds out the bag of newly improved jockstraps, Foxtrot’s eyes go wide.

“Oh no,” Foxtrot says. “Oh god, what have I done?”

“Tell your boys they’re from Derek Nurse,” Nursey says, turning on his heel and crossing the street back to the Haus. Ransom and Holster have given up on sleep since it’s already five in the morning and are playing flip cup, and Bitty is curled up in their one arm chair, totally unconscious. Chowder and Lardo have apparently returned to their bedrooms, leaving Nursey and Dex as the only functional parties.

“We should go back to the dorms,” Dex says, yawning.  Nursey yawns as well and agrees.

“Thanks for your help,” he says as they walk. “Not just tonight, but, like, unlocking me from your bed.”

“It’s not like I could leave you there,” Dex says.

“Sure you could,” Nursey says. “I could’ve broken my thumbs.”

“You were right though, I do use your hands a lot,” Dex admits, flushing bright red. Nursey grins. “Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything!” Nursey insists.

Dex rolls his eyes but they keep walking. It takes Nursey a moment to realise they’re taking the scenic route past the Pond and the piles of leaves and he has to wonder if it’s because Dex wants to spend time with him.

“So what did you do?” Dex asks.

“What?” Nursey replies, ever so eloquently.

“To get the lax bros to target you in the first place,” Dex clarifies.

“Oh, I beat one of them at a poetry competition,” Nursey says. Dex stares at him. “The prompt was that we had to write a poem about something we love and that jackass wrote about lacrosse.”

“What did you write about?” Dex asks.

“The colour red and fall,” Nursey says, wondering if he’s going to melt into a puddle because that would be very convenient. “But, like, I made it seem way less stupid because I was obviously talking about a pers–”

He doesn’t get to say “person” because Dex has tackled him into the pile of leaves and is kissing him.


	14. Fear of Heights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This definitely takes place during the first chapter of MoP.

“Don’t look down,”  Dex says. He’s laughing, Nursey realises. He has the gall to be _laughing_ at him while he has a nervous breakdown on the boat.

“Don’t look down?” Nursey replies, glaring at him. He doesn’t look over the edge of the boat. He doesn’t want to see the ocean, or the fact it’s dark and deep and unfathomable and there are _things_ living down there okay, there are _things_ , and Nursey doesn’t even know what those things _are_ except that they’re mad scary and like, who the fuck isn’t afraid of the shit that’s living in the ocean and oh God why did he agree to go out on the boat, why did he agree to go to Maine for the summer, why—

“Nursey,” Dex says, grabbing him by the shoulders. Nursey’s stomach flips at the contact. Dex’s hands are oddly cold through the fabric of Nursey’s t-shirt. “Hey. You’re gonna be fine.”

“I’d be better if you weren’t laughing at me and if we weren’t on a boat suspended by physics I don’t understand over the bottomless expanse of the Atlantic Ocean!” Nursey snaps.

Dex backs him into the wheelhouse and sits him down on the floor. With the door closed and Nursey’s head below the windows, he can’t see the ocean. He calms down a little.

“Is it the things that _live_ in the ocean, or…” Dex says.

“I’m afraid of heights,” Nursey says. “You know, being up high above open air?”

“You know that water isn’t air, right?” Dex says. He’s still laughing at him.

“Yeah, but we’re up high above a vast expanse of _nothing_ ,” Nursey says.

“There’s things,” Dex says. Nursey raises his eyebrows. “You know, fish, lobsters, whales, sharks. The North Atlantic Current which will grab you and drag you up to Iceland, but–”

Nursey smacks him in the arm. “Don’t mock me.”

“I just feel like this is something you should’ve thought about before you agreed to come out on the boat with us,” Dex says.

“I didn’t know it was going to be the same thing!” Nursey says. Dex is going to chirp him on this forever. Derek Nurse, who is chill about all things, having something close to a breakdown on a boat when he can still see the coast.

“Hey Nursey?” Dex says. He raises one eyebrow and waits until Nursey makes eye contact. He had been just staring at Dex’s shirt, approximately where Dex’s navel was. When he looks up at Dex’s eyes, he notices that the grey ocean light has turned his amber eyes bright gold. Dex waits until Nursey’s looking at him. “Chill.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come cry with me on [tumblr](http://omgericzimmermann.tumblr.com).


End file.
